and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
