Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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