i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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