Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize