The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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