I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
