Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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