You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
