Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
