you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
