That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
