She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize