I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
