I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
