Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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