How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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