I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
