if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
