It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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