I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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