If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
