Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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