I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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