At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
