Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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