i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
