Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
