You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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