Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
