but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
