I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
