I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sick fucks of a feather flock together
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
