Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
