you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
