My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
time to smoke my breakfast
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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