I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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