im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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