I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my liver is dry heaving
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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