so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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