We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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