god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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