This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm really busy with my period
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