I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
