I want you more than these girls want KFC
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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