i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
