Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you win again, gameday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
