The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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