fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize