Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's never too late to be topless.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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