she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
