would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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