I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
love makes seman taste better
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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