Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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