That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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