Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
