They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
