I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wear drunk well.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
