U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
