so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i've created a new STD.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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