Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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