i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
