happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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