You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can I color on your dick again?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize