Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
