By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
