i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize