i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
