the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
two words: eviction party
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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