Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
