I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
