thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When are your genitals available?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
