So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Banned from zoo.
Again?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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