didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
