So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
