So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
