After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
